New England Patriots’ center Dan Koppen announced today he is carrying a love child of quarterback and super stud Tom Brady, who is already linked to the unborn children of actress Bridget Moynahan, model Gisele Bundchen and the woman who voices the character of housewife Lois Griffin of “The Family Guy” (Brady made a guest appearance on the animated comedy last year).

Koppen was unsure how the child was conceived but suspects it has something to do with the amount of time he and Brady spent after practice working on the QB/center snap.

“It’s really odd, we’re both straight and always wear protection at practice,” said Koppen. “I guess it’s true what they say, no birth control method outside abstinence is 100 percent.

Brady stayed true to form and seemed too hurried to be concerned with the latest steamy revelation along his Shawn Kemp-type journey.

“I will support and love this child as if it was his own,” said Brady. “What? Oh yeah, it is my own. Sorry, I have a date with Jessica Simpson tonight and I have to stop by the pharmacy first. I think I’ve finally learned my lesson.”

heckler editorial staff