Chug-Chug the Comeback Clown has emerged as the latest candidate for the Dallas Cowboys’ head coaching position. Chug-Chug, who is the official mascot of The Heckler, is expected to travel to Dallas later this week for an interview.

“We’ve already met with clowns like Norv Turner and Wade Phillips, so what’s one more?” asked team owner Jerry Jones, who has discussed the position with at least 10 other potential hires. “I understand Chug-Chug doesn’t know squat about football, but I’m calling the shots around here anyway, so I view his ignorance as a huge positive.”

The Cowboys received permission from The Heckler to talk to Chug-Chug, who said that while he’s “kind of interested” in the head coaching position, he is really hoping to confer with Jones about the possibility of just being in charge of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.

“I’ve seen the girls’ routines and I think there’s a lot I can help with,” Chug-Chug said. “My plan would be to implement a lot of intricate schemes that would require them to gang-tackle me.”

Chug-Chug also said that he felt he could work with the Cowboys’ mercurial star, Terrell Owens. “We’re both good-looking, talented guys who love the spotlight. We have a lot in common, so I think we’d understand each other.”

heckler editorial staff