After another season of abuse, the Soldier Field sod is in its regular state of disrepair. In previous years, even the mayor weighed in on the situation, but this off-season the Chicago Bears are turning to a higher power to restore the turf to its once glorious condition: Brian Urlacher.

The newly coiffed retired great made headlines Tuesday morning following a media blitz promoting the hair restoration company who did the work. In a few of the interviews, he let it leak that he will be re-growing grass at Soldier Field using a technique similar to the one that was applied to his scalp.

“It’s really easy,” said Urlacher. “You just take thousands of blades of grass from healthier areas of the field and insert them one-by-one in the bare areas.”

Added Urlacher: “Just like re-growing my hair, it should only take about a year and require Soldier Field to wear a hat everywhere it goes during that time so no one sees how ridiculous it looks during the process.”

hecklerstaff