Shortly after signing his 7-year, $41 million contract, Cubs first baseman Anthony Rizzo rewarded himself by purchasing a Cubbie-blue Vespa.
“Ever since I played for Italy in the World Baseball Classic and got rides to and from games and practices on the back of my teammates’ Vespas, I have been looking forward to the day where I could purchase my own,” said Rizzo. “Thanks to the new contract, today is that wonderful day.”
Astride his gleaming new Vespa, Rizzo touted the vehicle’s gas mileage, convenience and awesomeness.
“There’s got to be no better way of getting around the crowded Wrigleyville streets before or after games than on the back of this beauty. I can just weave in and out of stopped vehicles and drunk fans like they weren’t even there. I really look forward to driving this to tomorrow’s game.”
As for Rizzo’s teammates, they are really looking forward to hanging the Vespa from a foul pole.