Many have been skeptical of Heyward’s recent success--wondering how the right fielder has been able to drastically turn it around. Heyward himself had the simple answer.
“I just found out tonight that Anthony Rizzo doesn’t play for the White Sox," said Jenson. "He plays for the Cubs, did you guys know that?”
As Rizzo rounded third, a silence fell over the crowd and many fans removed their hats out of respect for the life the ball had given to the players and fans.
In a shocking turn of events, Cubs’ all-star shortstop Javy Baez has decided to quit baseball to pursue a career as a magician.
It appears television cannot get enough of the Chicago Cubs. Fresh off their appearance on Saturday Night Live, NBC announced that Anthony Rizzo, David Ross and Dexter Fowler have been hired to anchor the network’s Presidential election coverage.
“Warming up before games with a good bounce was an idea I had,” said Cubs skipper Joe Maddon. “Maybe trampolines on the wall and ceiling went too far. Who’s to say? We’re just here trying not to suck.”
"The cereal is already selling like hotcakes. We're crushing Tony the Tiger, Cap ‘N Crunch, you name it," beamed Rizzo. “But we thought adding the toy Lester glove to the mix, sales might literally go through the roof and then we could afford to hire a mental health professional to help Jon get over this whole throwing issue."