Records reveal Alfonso Soriano actually named Wally Whiff, age 58
on Jan 20, 2012
The MLB off-season got a little more interesting this week, when league officials revealed several cases of mistaken identity as Marlins pitcher Leo Nuñez was discovered to be Juan Carlos Oviedo while Indians pitcher Fausto Carmona was acknowledged as Roberto Hernandez Heredia and he is 31 years old, not 28.
“We always suspected that the name Fausto was made up,” said MLB’s disciplinarian Joe Garagiola Jr. “But Leo Nuñez, come on. That’s like saying your name is Bob Smith.”
Investigators have also discovered that the given name of Cubs outfielder Alfonso Soriano is actually Wally Whiff and that he is 58 years of age. Team officials were hopeful that this discovery would void the remaining three years and $54 million on Whiff’s contract.
“We thought the dude had lost a few steps at the age of 36, imagine what it’s going to be like in a couple years when he’s 60,” said Cubs GM Jed Hoyer. “Well, at least his defense can’t get any worse.”
By Jeremy Barewin