Jake Peavy is feeling unstoppable after his latest simulated game. He feels so good, in fact, he’s hoping to pass Mark Prior as the all-time leader in simulated game wins.

“All I gotta say is tell Prior I’m gunning for him,” said Peavy after he pitched four scoreless simulated innings against a bunch of minor leaguers and a homeless man who has been sleeping outside the White Sox spring training complex in Tuscon. “Coop says that if I keep simulating at this pace, I’ll pass that has-been Prior by July.”

And it was with that comment that the claws came out. After Prior, who is pitching somewhere in the Yankees minor league system, heard what Peavy said, he also started talking trash.

“Can you believe that guy? He gets put on the DL a few times and he thinks he can compete with me?” asked Prior, who recently returned from a stubbed toe to throw five scoreless simulated innings himself. “I plan on holding that record for a long, long time.”

Although Peavy seems determined to take Prior’s record, Sox GM Kenny Williams, who traded away a lot in order to acquire Peavy, isn’t too happy with his prized pitcher’s goal.

“If that’s really what he’s concerned about, he better stay away from me,” said Williams. “Because if we cross paths, I’m gonna break his neck, and then he’ll have plenty of time on the DL to grab that record. [Expletive deleted] hick!”

By Michael Kloempken

Michael Kloempken