After an illustrious career of being the most successful magician to play the game of baseball, right-handed batter, Javy Baez, who bats right-handed, by the way, will head off into the sunset of baseball retirement with 2,999 hits.
"Oh man, this place is great," said Rizzo after finding himself in the middle of a nonstop Wrigleyville party after the game Tuesday night. "You mean it's like this every night in this neighborhood? I can't wait to party my ass off after every game."
"Normally we do it for free, you know, with baseball players and other rich guys," said Cohen. "But I decided to break the Wrigleyville Waitress Code and actually get paid to take off my clothes."
When news broke Monday of an alleged Wrigleyville terror plot foiled by the FBI this weekend naturally local news crews fought over access to the "Terror Garbage Can" where a young wannabe terrorist dropped what he thought was a bomb.