When news broke Monday of an alleged Wrigleyville terror plot foiled by the FBI this weekend naturally local news crews fought over access to the “Terror Garbage Can” where a young wannabe terrorist dropped what he thought was a bomb.
All four major local TV networks sent news vans to Clark St. hoping to get the scoop straight from the “Terror Garbage Can” at the intersection of Clark and Eddy, but only CBS was able to gain access by parking just inches from it.
“Those bastards at Channel 2 are always beating me to the punch,” said WGN’s Julie Unruh. “If the stupid guy driving our van would have ran a few red lights like I told him to, we’d have been the ones to get that choice spot.”
Unable to get a one-on-one with the Terror Garbage Can, Unruh settled for some face time with Zach Strauss, owner of Sluggers, the closest of approximately 60 Wrigleyville bars to the Terror Garbage Can.
“It was great of Zach to take time from his busy schedule of serving Jello shots to 22-year-old Schaumburg kids,” said Unruh. “But I wasn’t able to get any good quotes out of him. He just kept trying to invite our viewers to take a swing against terrorism at their batting cages, which open daily at 3 p.m.”
Unruh was so put off but her inability to speak directly with the Terror Garbage Can that she vowed not to return to Wrigleyville again until there was a championship celebration going on, most likely for a sports franchise other than the Cubs.