California

Why They Might Be Good: Attitudinal off-guard Kobe Bryant has made a promise to Lakers fans: "We're going back to the Finals. How? By me taking zero shots a game. If I get my teammates involved—teammates like [streaky guard] Sasha Vujacic, [streaky guard] Maurice Evans, and [streaky guard] Jimmy Jackson—there's no stopping us."

Lions coach Jim Schwartz went after 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh for blabbering key plot points of the latest installment of this season's "Sons of Anarchy" while both coaches shook hands at the conclusion of their game Sunday afternoon.

“Wow!” an exuberated chief executive, Bill Polian exclaimed. “That was your classic trap game against Cincy. I mean, they should beat us, but have such a littered history of massive meltdowns and chokes that I was sincerely worried they might let this one go. I almost considered taking Cedric Benson out on the town last night just to lock this sucker down.”

Following Palmer's trade to the Raiders, fantasy owners everywhere scurried to either add him to an already mediocre stable of quarterbacks or to persuade league competitors that Palmer is a much more lucrative pickup than a middling running back, up and coming wide receiver, or second kicker.

In a shocking move sure to have impact throughout the league, the Raiders have decided to shore up their offense by adding Rex Grossman, the former Bears, Texans and now Redskins QB, to their lineup in exchange for their first-round draft picks from 2014-2017.

Has it really been 15 years since I guided the Ducks to glory against the snobbish varsity squad at Eden Hall Academy in D:3? I guess it has. And now the kids are all grown up and facing the Mighty Blackhawks.

"The Padres went 71-91 this year, which is the exact same record the Cubs had," said Epstein. "You can't teach that kind of symmetry. So we see no reason to believe there will be a drop-off in when Jed and Jason join our club."