PREGAME THOUGHTS
Has it really been 15 years since I guided the Ducks to glory against the snobbish varsity squad at Eden Hall Academy in D:3? I guess it has. And now the kids are all grown up and facing the Mighty Blackhawks. I wonder if Patrick Kane will try to hit on Connie Moreau…she’s like a decade older than him! I hear he’s been in a bit of a scoring drought.
Either way, the United Center is a far cry from Eden Hall, but the same battle cry remains: No fear. No limits. No brakes. Just Ducks.
NOTE: Feel free to post questions for me and I’ll try to answer them. Please no questions about Another Stakeout or my brother Charlie. Although, did you see his roast? Wowza!
FIRST PERIOD
Stay tuned for game action. I’m going to eat a couple Italian beefs in the meantime as this “Cornelison” guy gets ready to rev up my squad! UPDATE: Just killed three of these (and yes, I brought my own carrots):
Gotta admit going into this one Marion Hossa scares me the most, both his skills and his accent. Not crazy about Pat’s “Hoss the Boss” nickname, but hey, it’s his world and me and Eddie O are just living it.
Okay, that anthem guy is pretty good. I guess. Score one for Chicago.
A LOT more checking than I remember. This is gonna be a dogfight, kinda like when me and Charlie used to fight over the last of the bag, if you know what I mean. Also, I’m still an amazing coach. I really like the puck possession in the Hawks zone so far.
That’s right: OFF SIDES! By the way, this first period is brought to you by the Blu-Ray Edition of Repo Man, in stores now. Remember that glowing car scene? Sweet.
That delay of game was on purpose. We’re too Mighty for the Hawks, figured we’d give them a chance. It’s a trick I picked up in D:2.
Of course the Ducks didn’t score on the penalty. It’s called tension-building. I don’t want my team jumping ahead too quickly.
So a pretty uneventful first period overall. Both teams “brought some good energy” as they say when nobody scores and nothing much happened besides a bunch of missed passes and sloppy skating. On the bright side, my Ducks head to the second with a man advantage, which they really already had because I’m on their side.
SECOND PERIOD
Stay tuned!
GOAL. Just how I drew it up in the locker room. It’s weird that we scored first since an underdog story is always appreciated, but what are you gonna do. Now we’ll see what the Hawks are made of.
Gotta say, right now this seems like a pretty easy road win for the Ducks. QUAAAACK! Also be sure to check out D:5 which went straight to video last week. I wear the jacket Steven Seagal-style to hide the gut.
Fight, fight, fight! (But not too bloody, let’s keep it PG, please)
I once spent a night in a really dangerous part of Chicago. True story.
Wow. That goal was prettier than Demi Moore back when we did St. Elmo’s fire together! And now we got ourselves a ballgame. Puck game. You know what I mean. Oh — called it on Hossa BTW.
Selanne. 57 years old. The go-ahead goal.
So 40 minutes of game action and I still haven’t been approached to shoot the puck between periods. Whatever. Maybe my pants aren’t tight enough. I need to ponder this situation. Here I am doing just that.
THIRD PERIOD
Stay tuned! Unless I decide to take off early to catch my flight back to LA. Gotta prep for an awesome new movie I’m directing and starring in. It’s about elves!
