Mysterious package outside U.S. Cellular actually drunk Pierzynski sleeping in trench coat
“Out of many Pierzynski calls we’ve responded to, this may be the worst,” said O’Laney. “Due to the toxic smell of the catcher, we need to insist you stay at least 2,000 yards away at all times.”
Duncan Keith apologizes for not using more f-bombs earlier in season
“I should have started dropping f-bombs from game one to whip this team into shape,” said the Norris Trophy defenseman. “We’re playing worse than an [expletive deleted] juniors team. If I would have started cussing earlier in the season, we’d be [expletive deleted] unbeatable.”
Milton Bradley traded to California Penal League
Milton Bradley, recently arrested for domestic abuse after making specific threats of violence against his wife, has since been moved down to the lowly and terrifying California Penal League.
Kane tweaks ‘lower body’ after night on the town in Edmonton
Details are still sketchy, but Hawks star Patrick Kane's latest injury does not seem to be a result of hockey-related activities.
Cubs to replace troughs with bushes in men’s bathrooms throughout Wrigley
As part of the Cubs' constant effort to improve the fan experience, the team announced today it's replacing the legendary troughs in Wrigley Field's men’s rooms with shrubs.
Ozzie Guillen suspected in illegible pro-Sox graffiti left on Harry Caray statue
The Harry Caray statue was vandalized Sunday, splattered with white spray paint that said "Sox" and a second, illegible word. "Right now our main suspect is Ozzie Guillen," said Chicago Police spokesperson Brian Connors. "After reading his Twitter page, we realize "Sox" is the only word Mr. Guillen spells correctly on a regular basis."
FOX adds Family Guy to Super Bowl XLV broadcast booth
In an effort to take some comedy pressure off play-by-play man Joe Buck, FOX has decided to digitally insert Peter Griffin into the broadcast booth for tonight’s game.
