Heckler Exclusive: Details of NFL’s new collective bargaining agreement
After a brief lockout, NFL owners and players have struck a new labor accord that is expected to be ratified this week. The full text has not been revealed, but The Heckler has confirmed specific details.
Heckler Comic: Ricketts finds way to save Cubs season
Despite his team's lackluster performance this year, Cubs owner Tom Ricketts has come up with a golden way to save the season.
Rodrigo Lopez becomes frustrated answering reporters’ questions about who he is
“Look, I’m getting tired of doing these post-game press conferences and the first thing you all ask me is ‘Who are you?’ or ‘What are you doing here?’” said Lopez after Monday’s game.
Quade pencils ‘Excessive Heat’ into lineup for rest of week
After defending National League Cy Young Winner Roy Halladay was forced to leave his start Monday night in the fifth inning at Wrigley Field, Cubs manager Mike Quade declared that Excessive Heat would be penciled in his starting lineup for the duration of the homestand.
Goodell becomes first commish to refer to self in third person
Emboldened by the increased exposure brought on by the 2011 NFL Lockout, Roger Goodell recently asserted that “Roger believes this labor impasse will soon be resolved,” becoming the first commissioner in league history to refer to himself in the third person.
Kane to miss prime drinking season with wrist injury
"It sucks, bro," said Kane, who uses the injured left hand primarly for lifting pints, shots and Jager bombs. "That's my go-to boozing arm. It leaves my right hand free for scoring digits from the babes, taking cell phone photos and keeping cab drivers in line."
Walgreens Bat Boy decides to sit in the visitor’s dugout
“I guess I’m no longer a kid,” said Phillip Marston, who is 13 years old. “I’m just another cynical adult who realizes the Cubs are a pathetic bunch of losers.”
