Emboldened by the increased exposure brought on by the 2011 NFL Lockout, Roger Goodell recently asserted that “Roger believes this labor impasse will soon be resolved,” becoming the first commissioner in league history to refer to himself in the third person.

“Roger didn’t know that, but he isn’t surprised,” said Goodell. “If there’s one thing we’ve learned throughout this process, it’s that Mr. Goodell is a true trailblazer, not to mention a snappy dresser!”

With the lockout seemingly nearing an end, Goodell was quick to compliment both sides on their ability to work together when it mattered most.

“On the one hand, there are the owners, led by that handsome commissioner,” he said. “On the other hand, you’ve got the players, who knew that Roger would be fair if they came to the table with reasonable demands.”

The closest any previous commissioner came to speaking in third person was when Bert Bell used the “royal we” in 1954 during a speech about the NFL’s dedication to financial stability. It is not clear whether Bell, like Mr. Goodell, considered himself the most important man in sports.

Heckler George