Chicago

"I've taken him under my wing since he arrived," said Ramirez, who is trying to teach Castro the art of loafing while making it seem like he's trying his hardest. "I've become quite adept at giving the impression that I care and I'm trying my best."

Soriano could be seen being approached by one or even a small group of women. And who was in the stroller to attract these ladies? “Tony Campana, man,” said Soriano. “Dude is a complete magnet for chicks.”

“Bobby is very insightful and he can see things from the press box that I can’t see in the dugout, like my players loafing after fly balls, dogging it to first, or eating sunflower seeds while in the field,” said Quade. “Considering that only one or two of my managing decisions this year have actually worked, I’m happy to defer all decision-making to him for the remainder of the season.”

“My doctor told me if I had become the Cubs manager I would either have an ulcer the size of a nectarine or would be completely bald right now," said Brenly. "On second thought, both of those sound more appealing than being manager of the Cubs.”

Jay Cutler doesn't really recall much about the last time the Bears played the Giants. The only thing he can remember is that was pummeled by someone on every other play and that he thought he was someone else for five minutes after being taken out of the game.

Authorities have arrested Florida Panthers GM Dale Tallon after the former Hawks exec reportedly tried to clone half a dozen Chicago players using DNA obtained from stolen practice equipment.

Having already trusted various friends and relatives with key roles they don’t deserve, Bears head coach Lovie Smith turned to his 78-year-old Aunt Gertie to oversee the team’s secondary.