Cutler depressed after Johnny Manziel no-shows for his session at Manning Passing Academy
Cutler, who decided to learn at the Manning Academy this summer so he could work on his running and throwing skills, was excited beyond belief when he heard he would be tutored by Manziel in his break-out sessions.
Chicago City Council renames Lincoln Park Lagoon ‘Junior Lake’
A euphoric Chicago City Council, in a unanimous vote of 50-0, renamed the Lincoln Park Lagoon “Junior Lake” after the Cubs rookie center fielder, who made a spectacular Major League debut with a three-hit game.
Alfonso Soriano asks to be traded to the 2007 Chicago Cubs
"In addition to me making a huge amount of money over a very long contract again, I like that the crazy older manager let me start the season in center field and batted me lead-off," Soriano explained. "That was fun getting extra at-bats."
Several people decide to TiVo the MLB All-Star Game
"Yep, I definitely plan to record the game," said Angels fan Bobby Denton. "Anything could happen. We could even witness history! I totally plan to set the TiVo, unless I forget. Or, you know, if it's already full of Dexter or whatever."
Cubs Week In Review: Garza dominates on way out door
Alfonso Soriano continued his hot hitting with a home run while Justin Bieber was not seen anywhere near the Cub clubhouse cheesing it up with the Cup. Chicago rejoiced.
Cubs, Sox plan to stay home after All-Star break
“Actually, I wouldn’t mind if the boys didn’t report back to work after the break,” said Ricketts. “This way, we can begin installing the new accoutrements to the ball park immediately.”
City of Chicago, Cubs agree to proposed Megatron in left field
“First, do you think Carlos Beltran is going to continue launching bombs toward Waveland if he knows he’ll be executed by a heartless power-seeking being?" asked Ricketts. "I think not. Second, we fully anticipate Megatron to increase revenue. I mean, do you know how much the Allspark is worth?”
