After months of back and forth, the City of Chicago and the Cubs have tentatively agreed upon one of the most contentious portions of the proposed $500 million renovation to Wrigley Field: the addition of Transformers villain, Megatron.
An elated Tom Ricketts explained the controversial addition to reporters on Friday.
“It’s simple. We needed to add Megatron in order put a better product on the field,” Ricketts said. When asked to clarify how an evil robot from another dimension could improve the team’s game play, Ricketts elaborated. “First, do you think Carlos Beltran is going to continue launching bombs toward Waveland if he knows he’ll be executed by a heartless power-seeking being? I think not. Second, we fully anticipate Megatron to increase revenue. I mean, do you know how much the Allspark is worth?”
Alderman Tom Tunney expressed concerns regarding the proposal and its impact on the Lakeview community.
“I realize it’s the Cubs’ ballpark, and they bring so much revenue to the area,” said Tunney. “But what are we going to do when ‘Tron and Optimus Prime decide to use the Cubbie Bear as their own personal football field? I just have some safety concerns. That’s all I’m saying.”
Cubs President Theo Epstein and team GM Jed Hoyer declined to comment on the approved renovations. It’s rumored the pair have been pooling their international cap money to sign well known Autobot, Bumblebee, to a minor league contract. Known as a 5-tool robot, he’d be the type of core player that Epstein and Hoyer covet. Any word of Decepticon business ties could foil the deal. Further complicating the deal is the fact that, as with all Autobots, ‘Bee is represented by super-agent, Scott Boras.
Photoshop by Joel Nielsen