Cubs

“While the Cubs are playing on a roof across the street, we can concentrate full time on renovating Wrigley,” Cubs president Tom Ricketts said. “The owners of roofs not hosting a particular Cubs game that day or night can continue to make their money selling rooftop seating and pay the Cubs 17% of their receipts.”

Carlos Marmol proved to be as combustible as the wildfire Lord Tyrion dumped on Stannis last season in “Game of Thrones” (and we shall now refer to Marmol as &%#!@# for the remainder of the season).

"I know you've been saying this for years," said Sveum, referring to you as you sat on your couch cursing the TV. "But maybe it's time we consider someone else in the ninth."

"It suddenly seems like if you want to be an elite second baseman in this league you need to have a famous rapper repping you," said Barney. "I'm not elite yet, but Ice promised me that with his fire power I'll be making it huge someday soon."

"I saw the chocolates just sitting there on the bleachers at Hohokam," Sveum said. "They were a complete mess in that Arizona heat. It's going to be a tough call, but right now, we're going to have to make a determination about who will melt down less quickly."

"Rosemont can be home to more than sprawling office parks, rampant corruption and extremely low-flying 747s," said Stephens. "It can also be home to Major League Baseball."

“Say what?” asked puzzled Cubs teammate Edwin Jackson. “Both of the dudes are double-talking. I mean, like, Anthony’s speaking English worse than the dude interpreting the English.”