Cubs

Anyone with an internet or cable connection knows by now that Brewers MVP outfielder/restauranteur/douchey T-shirt salesman Ryan Braun reportedly failed a drug test this fall. It's huge news and we're giving you a chance to give us your take on what the headline should be. Simply write it in the comments box below this post or email it to theheckler@theheckler.com. The best headlines might wind up as a Heckler article and we'll give you full credit so fire away.

“I could have donated them, but I didn’t feel like dragging them all to the Brown Elephant,” Vaughn said.“ Looks like my only hope for a profitable 2012 would be if the Cubs could sign Yu Darvish.”

In exchange for Adam Dunn, Sox GM Kenny Williams agreed to contract a severe case of Gonorrhea, as well as all of the steroid enhanced rats that inhabit Wrigley Field.

Cardinals fans are blowing up Twitter today, voicing their displeasure at Albert Pujols, the "trader" first baseman who signed a 10-year contract with the "Angles" today.

News broke today that Theo Epstein outbid Patrick Sharp for a $3 million single family in Lakeview last month had Epstein scared stiff.

Brown has tried to separate himself from that link, quitting baseball, and eventually settling down with his wife Rosa on their small alpaca farm in Peru. But he couldn't run away from the news delivered from Cooperstown on Monday morning.

With the sole intent of angering Mike Schmidt and other members of baseball's Hall of Fame who opposed Cubs legend Ron Santo's induction while he was still alive, Santo will return from the grave to accept his Hall of Fame honors in person this summer.