Bears

“It’s no secret we’ve been shopping Jay [Cutler] and have been unsuccessful in the process,” admitted Pace. “His bloated contract and lack of supporting credentials has clearly handcuffed our ability to improve. However, when news of this championship broke, it undoubtedly boosted his market value overnight!”

"Our team has a lot of work to do and our ultimate goal is to win the Super Bowl," Fox stated. "Whether that goal is reached this year, it's really hard to say. It's not that I can't say. The words are just really hard to get out of my mouth."

Interim Bears starting quarterback, Mike Glennon got in a heated argument this week with the owner of Chen's Chinese Restaurant in downtown Chicago. It had nothing to do with the Kung Pow Chicken or quality of service, but rather the zodiac paper place mats on the dining room tables.

“I started preparing by interviewing myself in the mirror. It’s interesting how my answers are thorough with surprisingly little substance. This job may be harder than it seems.”

Those who've known Bears GM Ryan Pace since his youth are not surprised about the blockbuster trade he pulled off Thursday night, parting with three draft picks just to move up one first-round spot to choose North Carolina QB Mitch Trubisky.

"The K.C. offense was clicking on all cylinders that first half," said Pace. "I sent Matt an offer at halftime and he immediately agreed."

With his newly rebuilt Bears team destroying the Packers 17-0 at halftime in Green Bay, Chicago signed GM Ryan Pace to a 20-year contract extension before the third quarter.