Wednesday, June 7, 2023

World Cup teams unite, impose ‘No Canadian Celebrity Bandwagoners’ rule

“We have to be more careful about which celebrity so-called ‘fans’ we let into our cheering sections,” said U.S. goalie Tim Howard. “The bandwagon is only big enough to support serious fans who want to get into soccer, our teams, and our countries. However, we must draw the line at these celebrity frontrunners.”

Sochi 2014: What did we learn?

Believe it or not, a Winter Olympics just happened in Sochi, Russia. The valiant souls who attempted to live there for a couple weeks were treated to ideal (spring) weather, living conditions that could...

Putin rescinds controversial gay propaganda laws after meeting Patrick Sharp

“We may have made a mistake,” said Putin. “What person would not want to grab this man by his face and kiss both cheeks more times than normal social etiquette would call for?”

Putin promises ‘straightest’ Olympics ever

Putin claimed that gay people are welcome to attend all the events, but he quickly added that there will really be no point to them coming to Russia, since "our Olympic spectacle will be entirely heterosexual" in orientation.

Frank Thomas announces he’ll go into Hall of Fame as a Blue Jay

"Sure, the White Sox were great," said Thomas just a day after getting elected to the Hall, "but the Blue Jays were the best 171 games of my life."

Join The Heckler for Blackhawks-Canucks at the United Center Friday, Dec. 20

Join a big group of crazy Hawks fans as we head to United Center to take on the Canucks on Friday, Dec. 20. Co-hosted with our friends at Joel Quenneville's Mustache. Space is running out so sign up today!

Hawks re-acquire Kris Versteeg exclusively to rap new goal song

“We’ve been draining every ounce of energy from this song for several years,” said Bowman. “Honestly, at this point it’s become way too humble. Seriously. We’ve got rings, plural. Girls. Whirlpools. The guys are popping out babies left and right. It’s time to rap about it.”