“We have to be more careful about which celebrity so-called ‘fans’ we let into our cheering sections,” said U.S. goalie Tim Howard. “The bandwagon is only big enough to support serious fans who want to get into soccer, our teams, and our countries. However, we must draw the line at these celebrity frontrunners.”
“We may have made a mistake,” said Putin. “What person would not want to grab this man by his face and kiss both cheeks more times than normal social etiquette would call for?”
"Sure, the White Sox were great," said Thomas just a day after getting elected to the Hall, "but the Blue Jays were the best 171 games of my life."
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“We’ve been draining every ounce of energy from this song for several years,” said Bowman. “Honestly, at this point it’s become way too humble. Seriously. We’ve got rings, plural. Girls. Whirlpools. The guys are popping out babies left and right. It’s time to rap about it.”