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“I know I’ve pretty much outlived my usefulness in pro football,” the 31-year-old signal caller said. “But being exiled to a team that’s averaged four wins each year since 1999, no joke, I could last another 5-6 years in this league."

It has been well documented that Starling Castro has a bit of a problem paying attention during games. On more than one occasion, Castro has been caught with his back to the plate while an opposing player hits. But in Wednesday afternoon against the Reds, the young player's inability to pay attention reached new lows.

Four punts on third down and the special teams coach calling for a rouge nearly cost the Bears a season-opening win in their game against the Bengals.

"This is amazing!" said Stan Grokowski, wearing a No. 19 Bernie Kosar jersey while walking along the Browns parade route on Euclid Ave. "Sure, we're winless, but we're still in first place. Do you have any idea how great that feels?"

Highlights will include Bynum’s trip to the airport, the failed team physical and of course the lengthy dialogue between Bynum and the equipment manager about which bowling alleys near the United Center had the best Chinese food buffet.

Sure, Peyton has Sirius XM and Papa John's. Brady has Under Armour. Even Jadaveon Clowney just signed a deal with Puma. But none of them have an exclusive multi-year deal with the frat house that brought you last year’s sickest party, the Kegasaurus Ice Luge Bro-Down Foam Body Shot Spring-Fling Vodkaritaville Lost Weekend.

Previous recipients played an entire season through unbelievable adversity. However, none of those people could hold a candle to the man who was able to hang like a rock star in Vegas getting drunk on the back of an inflatable swan, all the while never missing a single OTA.