“We’ve already won a few,” said Warriors guard Steph Curry, “so we’re good with just packing it in now. We love our fans and it’d be great to add another ring to this hand but I’d rather eat one of LeBron’s socks after an OT loss than have to go to D.C. these days.”
Brian Urlacher split with girlfriend Jenny McCarthy just days after undergoing knee surgery. Both parties indicated that the decision was mutual, but insiders say McCarthy's diagnosis of Urlacher's injury as “knee sniffles” may have been the final straw.
“It was OK,” nine-year-old Robby McAuliffe said. “My dad went to college with Drew Rosenhaus so I’ve been to three Superbowls, but I guess it was nice to see a player up close outside of Miami.”
In a rare move of solidarity, the four major sports leagues have banded together to pass a national mandate requiring all professional athletes to have their mouths sewn shut at the signing of their first contract.
Moments after the San Francisco Giants put the final nail in the Rangers' World Series coffin, the Texas Board of Education released a statement indicating that this year’s Fall Classic would not be a part of any history curriculum coming out of the Lone Star state.