The carriage deals keep on coming for the Cubs new Marquee Sports Network, this one with the fourth-largest provider of gas pump TVs.
“We are beyond excited to announce this move,” said an excited Crane Kenney, the Cubs president of business operations. “This now brings us up to 5,000 households, 2,500 gas pumps, 1,500 Chuck E. Cheese urinals, and 15 high school TV stations.”
Added Kenney: “We’re finally in the big time, baby.”
When asked how much baseball a viewer could watch while pumping gas for only a few minutes, Kenney said he was confident there’d be plenty of opportunities.
“The other day my chauffeur told me that while pumping my gas he was able to watch about 45 seconds of a three-week old ‘Jimmy Fallon’ clip and a weather report for Kansas from four days ago,” said Kenney. “We’ll be giving fans one-third of an inning of a baseball game and you can’t tell me that isn’t a better option that what’s already being broadcast on those pumps.”
Kenney said that with the Trump administration lowering vehicle efficiency standards, Cubs fans will have even more opportunities to watch games at the pump.
“I just bought a Hummer that gets five miles to the gallon,” said Kenney. “My chauffeur’s going to have to be gassing that thing up two or three times a week. He might catch four or five innings during that time.”
Added Kenney: “The future is bright my friends.”