After Scott Foster, the 36-year-old Oak Park accountant who had never played in the NHL, came into last Thursday’s game as an emergency goalie for a rare Blackhawks win, Joel Quenneville has announced the team’s decision to make some drastic changes at goal.

“We want to thank Scott for coming in and performing as he did,” Quenneville told reporters during a press conference. “Seeing how well we did using a goalie with a non-sports day job, we have decided that, for the rest of the season, Vinny, who does most of our plumbing, will be starting behind the net tonight against the Blues.”

Vinnie — a 53-year-old Skokie resident who last played hockey in high school and refuses to offer his last name as it is “not important” — was apparently surprised by the news, though promised to do the best job he did. “Listen, you know, if an accountant can go in there and help the team win, I figure, sure, I can too.”

The Blackhawks, who were eliminated from playoff contention March 21, have other “outside the box” personnel decisions at the ready, such as fielding an entire line composed of math teachers, or starting Vince Vaughn at forward, since he’s tall and would be at the United Center anyway.

Jeff GoodSmith