Filled with snapback-wearing Chads and Brads who unironically say “dilly dilly” before each Old Style, the Wrigley Field bleachers have been officially recognized as a fraternity.
Going by the Greek letters of Kappa Upsilon Beta, the Wrigley bleachers will participate in rigorous hazing of its prospective members by forcing them to watch a Ken Harrelson-led White Sox broadcast of a Sox vs Cubs game while completely sober. Assuming that the future members survive this daunting task without throwing themselves into the bathroom troughs to end their misery, they will be welcomed into the bare, farmer-tanned dad bods of their drunken brethren.
“It’s an honor to be a part of the KUB fraternity,” said future liver transplant recipient, Trevor from Naperville. “Nobody cares more about drinking and less about the score of the game than we do, and we will fight anyone who says otherwise.”
Looking to be inclusive, Kappa Upsilon Beta would also like to vehemently emphasize that it is a co-ed fraternity, in which the only hazing for their female members is that they take less than 5 selfies throughout the course of the entire game.