The wait is finally over. It happened on a Wednesday night in early November, mere hours after the Cubs won the 2016 World Series. Steve Bartman was finally released from Guantanamo Bay.
President Obama issued the Executive Order at the end of the 10th inning and not a moment sooner. Although there was talk of releasing Bartman prior to the end of the game, especially with John Lester dealing, the POTUS knew that there was simply no way you could free the man who changed the course of the 2003 playoffs. Bartman was not going to be allowed to leave Gitmo, not while the Indians still had a chance to pull off an incredible upset.
This wasn’t an easy decision for Obama. As a South Sider, Obama knew that all his fellow White Sox fans wanted Bartman released as soon as possible, just so they could watch him work his magic at another Cubs game. Furthermore, our allies in Great Britain didn’t want Bartman, lest he try to catch a soccer ball at a Manchester United Soccer Game. Ditto the Aussies and who didn’t want Bartman at a Wallaby Rugby match. Conspirace theorists and Fox News fans even demanded to know if the POTUS secretly placed Bartman at Cleveland Stadium once Aroldis Chapman started pitching the 7th inning.
Now comes the question on where Steve Bartman will seek asylum. South Florida might be open to accepting the one-time foul-ball seeker. Afterall, there are literally dozens of diehard Marlins fans in the greater Miami area. Another option is to integrate Bartman back into Chicago, teaching him to adjust to a new universe, one where the Cubs are the defending world series champions. As of now, Bartman’s whereabouts remain unknown, however there is talk of an mysterious glasses and headphone-wearing super fan who just arrived in Southern California and he can’t wait to attend his first Dodgers game.