Despite the many reports of broken, dead and murdered ankles due to “vicious” crossovers on NCAA and NBA basketball courts in 2015, not a single ankle has actually required medical attention, a recent study found.

“SB Nation, Bleacher Report and Deadspin all need to check their facts,” said a spokesman for the Associated Press. “Either that, or maybe come up with a new way to say that a defender was fooled by a basketball move. Is murdering a single body part even possible?”

Of the nearly 4,500 sensational headlines, Facebook posts and tweets put out by the Internet’s top sports websites regarding the state of basketball defenders’ ankles, none have been substantiated by team physicians.

hecklerstaff