As the Chicago Bears and Jay Cutler formally finalize their seven-year, $126 million contract, incentive details have been released, including a particularly unusual provision intended to ensure that the former Pro Bowler does not throw as many interceptions as he did in his mediocre 2009 campaign with the team. Specifically, the contract stipulates that if Cutler throws 25 or more interceptions over the course of the 2014 season, the team will re-sign oft maligned former Bears offensive tackle J’Marcus Webb and place him on the offensive line for the remainder of Cutler’s contract.

“We know that when Cutler is on top of his game, he can be one of the finest quarterbacks in the NFL,” general manager Phil Emery told reporters. “But we also know that he can sometimes make ill-advised throws without particularly caring about the outcome. While he’s improved over the past few seasons, we wanted to ensure that he would perform better than his first year under contract with the Bears, where he threw 26 interceptions and just 27 touchdowns. So we had to show some tough love. And what better way to scare Cutler into making fewer unwise throws than to threaten to re-sign the left tackle who was the very ineffective anchor on an offensive line that once let Cutler get sacked 52 times? If that doesn’t scare Cutler to throw straight, nothing will.”

When reached for comment about the possibility of retaining Webb’s services, Cutler seemed uncharacteristically emotional and rattled, saying, “Oh God, not Webb, oh sweet Jesus, not him. I won’t throw ANY interceptions next year, I promise, anything, I’ll do anything!”

By Jeff GoodSmith


Jeff GoodSmith