The NFL season may be over for the Chicago Bears and Detroit Lions, but that doesn’t mean they can’t suit up one last time this year. The Heckler announced the creation of a new bowl game specifically for these two teams to square off once more to determine who is the least crappy in 2013. The bowl game will take place on a neutral field at an exquisite location between the two cities — Gary, Indiana.
The co-founder of everyone’s favorite satirical sports site, Heckler Brad, was excited to share the news.
“The Heckler is a real farce of a publication, so we thought this would be a great opportunity to set up a farce of a bowl game for these farcical football teams to play in. Every other marginal business and website has their name attached to a bowl game, so why not us?” he asked. “We’d like to thank the city of Gary for welcoming us with open arms and that strange odor so that this could be possible.”
Since the Lions already gave coach Jim Schwartz the axe, they will be reaching into the past to bring back former fan-favorite coach Wayne Fontes. The Bears will also make a coaching change, with Marc Trestman taking over the Defensive Coordinator position and playcalling as well.
“I know I’m an offensive guy, but hell, I couldn’t do worse with this defense than Mel Tucker did,” said Trestman. “I also plan to pull Jay Cutler much earlier against the Lions this time around. If Jay so much as gets a hangnail, I’m sending Josh McCown in. He’s our future at quarterback anyw … oops, did I say that out loud?”
Bears safety Chris Conte will not be making the trip to Gary, as he has been suspended by the Bears for “conduct detrimental to the integrity of the game of football.” A random homeless person will be abducted off the street and will suit up at safety, where he is expected to do a much better job than Conte.