Cubs brass contacted the most well-respected fake sports coverage web site on the entire web today in order to advise editors of some astounding real news. After hanging up the phone with Cubs President Theo Epstein, Heckler Brad announced to the staff, “They want us to write a real #@*ing story. Unbelievable.” Heckler George stood in amazement, stating, “No *!@#ing way…”

Apparently, the plan is part of the Cubs already dismal September call-ups. When contacted by the Heckler for further reasoning, Epstein explained.

“At this point, our philosophy is, why not give everybody a shot,” said the beleaguered franchise leader. “I asked Jed [Hoyer] about it, and he said ‘Hell, anything’s possible.’ That’s when it hit me,” Epstein continued. “Anything is possible. I mean if we believe that Chang Yong Lim and Daniel Bard might make an impact as ballplayers, can’t we believe The Heckler is capable of producing some sports content that is legitimate and worthwhile?”

The Heckler staff is currently working on legitimate stories to be submitted by month’s end. However, given the current state of the Cubs, the staff is having a difficult time finding any story that cannot be considered a joking matter.

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