Unable to handle the pressure of living up to his first name name, Cubs shortstop Starlin Castro has changed his first name to Okaylin.

“I tried to be a star my first two years in the league and a little bit last year and found that to be hard work,” Castro explained. “I can’t be expected to both cut down on my errors and keep batting over .300 so I’ve decided that batting around .250 and still being shaky in the field is the way to go. That’s why I’ve changed my name to Okaylin. Nobody’s expecting a guy name Okaylin to be the future of a franchise.”

When informed of the name change, Cubs manager Dale Sveum commented, “I’ve been wanting to call Starlin, err, Okaylin many different names this year so I’m all for it.”

Sources from Cuba have reported that Fidel and Raul Castro are hoping the Cubs shortstop also considers changing his last name in order not to continue dishonoring them by swinging at pitches that are clearly balls.

A. Waite