With paramedics attempting to revive him after going into a catatonic state, Cubs top draft choice Kris Bryant screamed “Why? Why? Why?” Nancy Kerrigan-style, after Commissioner Bud Selig called his name.

Shouting for his mommy and mumbling “Padres, please, Padres,” the 6-foot-5 third-baseman from the University of San Diego was given a timeout by his dad. Bryant was then put into a strait-jacket and carted off to a local hospital for observation.

The Cubs were expected to take pitcher Mark Appel, but in a surprise move, the Stanford ace was grabbed by the Astros with the top pick in the draft.

“Well, we certainly didn’t see that coming,” Cubs GM Jed Hoyer said of the Bryant incident.

“However, we’re not worried because we’ll have him shadow a few of our more stable veterans, who will start the process of molding Kris to fit the ‘Cubs way.’”

“In fact, Soriano, Marmol and Castro will be meeting him at the airport in the morning with our old pal, Carlos Zambrano, driving the limo.