Perhaps the most stunning part of the Blackhawks Game 2 victory over the LA Kings in the Western Conference Finals was they way they scored goals early and often against the infallible Jonathan Quick. Shortly after Michal Handzus netted an easy goal midway through the 2nd period to put the Hawks ahead 4-0, Quick was unceremoniously pulled from the game. From the bench, he could only watch as his replacement held the Blackhawks scoreless the rest of the way.

Anoyone who has seen Jonathan Quick perform in the playoffs the past two years knows that such a performance from him is incredibly out of the ordinary. As everyone would come to find out, it actually was not Quick manning the net for the Kings in Game 2. A lowly-paid janitor discovered Quick tied up and gagged in the bowels of the United Center shortly after the final horn sounded. He immediately radioed security and they went on high alert. One of the guards noticed a man matching Quick’s description heading for the LA team bus. He confronted the man, who then tried to run away before he was tackled to the ground by several guards.

The head of security noticed the Impostor Quick’s face looked fake and rubbery. “Let’s see who is really behind this!” he shouted, before peeling off the mask to reveal none other than Canucks goalie/sieve Roberto Luongo! The restrained Luongo confessed to the crime of kidnapping Jonathan Quick and taking his spot in the game. “I just want to win the Stanley Cup so bad, and I know the Canucks never will, so I decided to join a better team! I would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for those meddling Blackhawks scoring all those goals on me like usual!”

Luongo was arrested by Chicago police and Quick was freed. All the ruckus brought the entire Blackhawks team to the parking lot to see what happened. Patrick Kane quipped “I guess this is a QUICK open and shut case!” as the rest of the team groaned “KANER!”, and followed with simultaneous laughter.

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