As word of a four-team trade that will bring Dwight Howard to the Lakers spread, the now former Magic center breathed a sigh of relief that his long, drawn-out relocation process had finally ended.

“This long national nightmare that’s annoyed the shit out of everyone is finally over,” said Howard. “Even a massive ass-kisser like [ESPN’s] Chris Broussard told me to figure this shit out already a couple weeks ago.”

Howard said he’s looking forward to the Lakers’ first game in Orlando against the Magic, where he’s extremely hated right now. He hopes to win them back.

“Man, it’s bad,” said Howard. “I took my kids and baby mommas to Disneyworld last week and even Mickey Mouse told me to go screw myself.”