In the wake of winning his first NBA Finals, Miami Heat guard/forward/superhuman robot, LeBron James, will do what many star athletes do at the close of a long playoff: He’ll take a vacation. The only problem is, LeBron can’t decide where.

“I was so tempted to scream out, ‘I’m going to Disney World!’ last night after the win,” said an elated James. “But then I started thinking that Anaheim may be better than Orlando. Plus, I’m already in Florida, so a little out of state time would be great.”

James then quickly shifted course in his thoughts. “I don’t know … maybe staying in Florida would be better. Then I could show the fans in this state that I really love it here. Wow … what a tough decision.”

At that moment, James’ handlers announced that a deal had been struck with ESPN — a notable Disney holding — wherein James would announce his choice of theme park fun on a nationally televised one hour program. All proceeds from the spectacle are said to be directed to the Cleveland Area National Treatment Ward for Inept Nobodies (a/k/a “CAN’T WIN”). The institute was established to aid local fans when they realize they are left to root for the likes of the Browns and Cavs. After James’ departure, the ward has seen an increase in funding needs.

James has titled the event “The Disnision.” Stephen A. Smith will host. Guest appearances will be made by Cleveland Cavs owner, Dan Gilbert, the five member staff of the Cleveland Tourism Bureau, LeBron’s old high school girlfriend, and a special appearance by Hootie and the Blowfish.

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