The legendary Harlem Globetrotters are known for their basketball comedy routine and lengthy exhibition game winning streaks against the lowly Washington Generals. A request has now been granted that the Cubs be excused from MLB play to become the team’s next hapless regular opponent.
“The Globetrotters like to be assured that opposing teams won’t try to score too much, as it detracts from their antics,” said team CEO Kurt ‘Vitamin K’ Schneider. “And the Cubs seem to play every game with no intention of scoring.”
For folks wondering about the shift between sports, the Harlem Globetrotters’ office points out that the amount of current or former basketball players on each team is about equivalent. In fact, the Globetrotters’ roster includes former soccer stars, a ballet dancer and more than one licensed ventriloquist.
“The Cubs have more in common with the Washington Generals than with the rest of baseball right now,” said MLB Commissioner Bud Selig. “They are a team of mostly inept non-professionals set up to fail. Plus, have you seen those hilarious YouTube videos of Soriano’s fielding set to ‘Sweet Georgia Brown’?”
“It was my original intent to break the World Series curses in both Boston and Chicago,” said Cubs President Theo Epstein. “But I’m honored to be a part of this. Sports comedy is very serious business. Keep this information to yourself, but some people think it’s real.”