The prognosis from Los Angeles Angels team doctors is as worst feared: 1B Albert Pujols has been officially pronounced “Dunn for the year,” as in Chicago White Sox 1B/DH Adam Dunn.

“We didn’t want to admit it, but it look like it’s true. Pujols is Dunn,” manager Mike Scioscia confirmed.

Dunn infamously signed a huge free agent contract before the 2011 MLB season then almost immediately out of the gate, failed miserably to live up to expectations. Now the same appears to be happening to Pujols.

In his first season after signing a 10-year $240 million contract this off-season with the Angels, Pujols went the entire month of April without a homer. Dating back to last season, he has gone 30 games and 125 at-bats without hitting one, the longest streak of his career.

“I don’t know how to explain it. Maybe I’m trying too hard,” says Pujols. “It’s frustrating to hear I’m ‘Dunn.’ Who could have seen this coming so soon?”

“Me!” chimes in White Sox GM Kenny Williams, the man who signed Dunn.

“I could have told you he was ‘Dunn’ from the start,” continued Williams. “The signs are there: the big contract, the low average, the low RBIs. The next things to come are the strikeouts. Then he’ll get fat.”

“My advice to [Angels GM] Jerry Dipoto?” said Williams. “Start a feud with your manager, hope that fans will pay less attention to Pujols’ slump, then wait till next year.”