Why would the Nets trade a first-round pick to the Blazers for Gerald Wallace? The answer boils down to a risky marketing campaign. That is because the deal is contingent on Gerald changing his first name to “Christopher” in memory of the late Notorious B.I.G.
The Nets brass believes that having players with the same name as Brooklyn legends, will immediately put them ahead of the curve when it comes to ticket sales as they move into the Barclays Center next year.
When asked to explain the move, minority owner Jay-Z broke into an impromptu rap.
“Jiggaman, Brooklyn Nets, providing the gold standard,” said Jay-Z, before breaking into the third person. “Young Hov, honorary marketing degree from Stanford. Dwight Howard, dude’s a coward, who the fans wanna see? Christopher Wallace, R.I.P. to the B.I.G. Chea! Yup! It’s the Roc. Ha-ha … ”
While Gerald nee’ Christopher Wallace is in the last year of his contract, it is believed that the Nets will offer him a contract extension as soon as Monday.
“That’s an awful lot to give up for a pretty good player,” said NBA analyst Shaquille O’Neal. “But I spit a bar or two with Big, so I ain’t mad at ’em.”
The move is believed to be the first in a string of “Brooklyn Legend” moves for the soon-to-be Brooklyn Nets. They’ve expressed interest in acquiring Tony Allen, but only if he’d agree to change his name to Woody, and have asked MarShon Brooks to shorten his name to “Mel” in honor of the famous director.
Jay-Z went on to explain, “Biggie Smalls bring my people, helpin’ us with the sales, but ya gotta reach em all, those two are more for the pales.”