Knicks fans have grown all too familiar with the site of Amar’e Stoudemire being rejected by the rim. Every night it seems his jumping ability gets worse, prompting the forward to petition the league for lower baskets.
Stoudemire, who has suffered with degenerative knees his entire career, realizes his recent play has hurt the Knicks.
“I was actually going to ask for eight feet, but I didn’t want to get greedy,” Stoudemire said. “Seriously though man, 10 feet is high as shit. I’m 29 with the body of a 65-year-old. How am I supposed to jump that high?”
Stoudemire’s longtime coach, Mike D’Antoni, recently agreed that nine-foot rims could resurrect his highly paid forward’s dormant career.
“I think it’s a genius idea,” D’Antoni said. “Not only will it help Sorry Amar’e, but some of Melo’s airballs might actually go in. Lowered rims might save my job.”
Other Knicks players such as Tyson Chandler and Landry Fields backed their teammate’s campaign, each claiming that at this point, they’d try just about anything to win a game. Point guard Jeremy Lin wasn’t asked for his opinion on the matter, because no one cares about Jeremy Lin anymore.