Major League Baseball is filled with veteran players who never bothered to learn the basic fundamentals of the game and have largely gotten by on natural talent and the ability to hit home runs. Alfonso Soriano used to be included in that category, but with diminishing skills it’ll has become increasingly difficult to look past the aging left fielder’s flaws so coaches have decided to teach him something they call “fundamentals.”

“A lot of these coaches are really opening my eyes to what they like to call … fundamentals. Did I say it right?” said Soriano. “I have never heard that word before and now that Theo and Dale are running the show, it’s stressed daily. It must be the next new wave of baseball or something.”

However clueless Soriano seems to be when it comes to the basics, he’s appears eager to learn. He stood wide-eyed while Dale Sveum explained to him the concept of the strike zone during batting practice.

“Again, I’d never heard the term used before,” said an astonished Soriano. “I was surprised to learn that you’re not supposed to swing at pitches in the dirt. I think this information could really help my game.”

Additionally, rookies have gotten in on the act. Cubs top outfield prospect Brett Jackson has been busy teaching Soriano how to track a fly ball and to use two hands while catching.

“He looked at me like I just invented fire when I showed him how to use two hands,” said Jackson. “He still has a ton to learn, but I think we can make something of this 13-year veteran.”

Michael Kloempken