Pistons president and GM Joe Dumars reportedly held a private meeting with the team after a Saturday’s ugly loss to Memphis where he threatened players with a return to “those hideous teal uniforms with farting horsey if you don’t start showing some hustle” referring to the unpopular uniforms from 1996 to 2001.

Dumars has since denied the meeting took place.

“In today’s NBA, everyone is a millionaire and the extra money for playoff wins might not be a significant motivator,” said Dumars. “You have to get creative to inspire the modern, vain athlete.”

In preparation for news stories about the possible switch to teal, graphic artists have been instructed by the Pistons to not issue any mock ups of Charlie Villanueva in the throwback uniforms due to beliefs that the visual would be inappropriate for young readers.

Mark Pants