Seconds after Tom Brady’s ill-fated Hail Mary sealed the Giants’ win over the Patriots in the Super Bowl, Giselle Bundchen sent an email to a select list of family and friends stating that she was leaving Tom to take up with Eli Manning.

“I am a Super Model deserving of a Super Bowl,” Giselle wrote. “Tom used to win them all the time before we started dating. Since then he has lost the Super Bowl twice, both times to Eli Manning, my new boyfriend.”

In a separate email, Giselle said she is determined to invent a machine that will enable people to always remember who won a Super Bowl two years previous to the Super Bowl being played that day.

“My dear family and friends, we all know the Packers won the Super Bowl last year,” she wrote. “But does anyone know who won two years ago?” Giselle then utilized a dramatic literary effect that she learned in a creative writing class. She began a new paragraph consisting of a single sentence that emphasized her point and ended the email.

“I didn’t think so,” she wrote.

By Rob C. Christiansen