Less than 24 hours after her team concluded a disappointing 8-8 season, Bears owner Virginia McCaskey has hired Chicagosports.com columnist and incessant complainer Steve Rosenbloom to run the franchise.

“According to his columns, he knows exactly how to fix the team,” said McCaskey. “And he’s known for years! I can’t wait to see what he has in store for the organization.”

After railing against the franchise for his appallingly meager new salary, Rosenbloom laid out a one-point plan for fixing the Bears’ woes.

“First I fire everybody. Lovie … Jerry … Martz … that guy who massages the players when they get hurt. I just clean house,” said Rosenbloom. “Then I go around Halas Hall repeating the phrase ‘Hel-LO’ until the team goes 14-2.”

Added Rosenbloom: “Hel-LO!”

Heckler George