In response to Jay Cutler’s season-ending thumb injury, Bears GM Jerry Angelo worked fast to fill the void at quarterback, acquiring former Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer from the Oakland Raiders for a 2012 first round draft pick and a conditional 2013 second round draft pick.
“It’s been a whirlwind,” Palmer told reporters. “First I was a retired member of the Cincinnati Bengals, and then I was throwing more interceptions than touchdowns for the Oakland Raiders, and now here I am, ready to totally torpedo the Chicago Bears season.”
Angelo told reporters that Palmer, who has now been traded twice this year for a combined total of four high draft picks, was the key to almost salvaging the season.
“An offense is only as good as its quarterback,” said Angelo. “With Jay’s broken thumb, we wanted to find a way to appropriately mortgage our future for a weak-throwing quarterback who is five years past his prime. We felt that Carson was our best bet to grossly overpay for a quarterback, while also ensuring that our fans’ expectations remain just high enough that they are especially upset when a poorly timed interception ruins our postseason chances.”
When asked how he felt the addition of Palmer would benefit the Bears offense this season, star running back Matt Forte simply bowed his head and began weeping softly.
By Jeff GoodSmith