In an effort to make one of its premier teams more exciting, the NFL will allow Giants’ running back Brandon Jacobs to line up next to the opposition’s defensive line effective immediately.
Roger Goodell expected outrage from the other 31 teams in the league, but so far hasn’t received so much as a negative phone call.
“No one really seems to care,” the commissioner said. “They still believe every one of Brandon’s touches will result in negative yardage despite starting on the other side of the line of scrimmage.”
Tom Coughlin, the normally prideful Giants coach, admitted he was embarrassed to accept the league’s offer, but was out of ideas with Ahmad Bradshaw still sidelined with an injury.
Jacobs, unlike his coach, didn’t seem embarrassed at all that he was the laughing stock of the NFL.
“Special players get special treatment, that’s the way of the world,” he boasted. “They’re gonna be sorry when my options go for four yards instead of three.”
Jacobs’ teammates appreciate the help from the league office, but know it’s a waste of time.
“Jacobs? More like ‘C Cups,’” said an anonymous Giant. “Dude needs to drop a few if he wants to ever be a productive back again.”