It’s been a tough couple weeks for GOP presidential hopefuls. From Rick Perry’s forgetfulness to Herman Cain’s alleged foolishness, all the commotion has left many candidates hoping the old “any advertising is good advertising” adage proves true.
Comcast SportsNet reporter Sarah Kustok was still surprised and confused when an aide called one morning to report what the polls were showing — that she was the new frontrunner for the Republican presidential nomination.
“I hadn’t really thought about political office yet,” said Kustok. “I don’t have a platform, but I do apparently have an aide. I’ve also got a pantsuit and an unwavering smile, which makes me as qualified as anyone, right?”
“To be honest, Kaner and I have been furiously writing-in her name at polls everywhere we go,” said Blackhawks defenseman Nick Leddy. “I guess that earned her an invite to the debate. She probably got the highest scores because she was the only one who didn’t speak.”
Kustok says that she will not attend the next debate, but continue her work in the United Center post-game trenches.
“I’m already on T.V.,” said Kustok. “Nobody ever listens to what anybody else has to say unless they screw up. So as long as my name is on the ballot, I feel good about my chances.”
Patrick Kane, of course, had his own take: “I hope she gives me a cabinet position! And not one that begins with ‘secretary.’ That’s gotta hurt your game, right?”
By Dan Bradley