When the Ohio State Buckeyes meet the Miami Hurricanes Sept. 17 there will be much more at stake than just a football game. In an out-of-character move, the NCAA announced the winner of this match-up of corrupt programs will be awarded immunity from any pending sanctions for off-field impropriety. The loser will become the first school since SMU in 1987 to receive the “death penalty.”

NCAA President Mark Emmert announced the decision to lay such a hefty outcome on the game was made to not only spice up the non-conference season but also as a concession that his organization really didn’t have a clue as to what it’s doing and has basically just given up. The game will be labeled the Corruption Bowl and is sponsored by Florida Department of Corrections. The Corruption Bowl is the first bowl game ever to receive an NC-17 rating from the Motion Picture Association of America.

Special rules enacted for Corruption Bowl
– Teams can use ineligible players and any current NFL alumni (Ohio State announced it would start Terrelle Pryor at QB while the ‘Canes will line up the ghost of Jerome Brown at defensive tackle).
– Boosters will be allowed to roam sidelines with hookers, barrels of cash and titles to new SUVs.
– Hand guns are allowed, but only in the red zone.
– Winner of 2011 Corruption Bowl will play USC in 2012 Corruption Bowl.
– ESPN will be allowed to bring College Gameday telecast to Miami, but they will not be allowed to erect netting to protect Chris Fowler, Herbie, Desmond and Corso from assorted hurled projectiles.

Patrick O. Elia