MLB’s July 31 trading deadline is fast approaching, and Mets fans can expect a storm of moves now that various sources are reporting everyone on the roster is available except David Wright and Jose Reyes.

“It’s an addiction,” Mets G.M. Sandy Alderson said. “Once I start talking trades, I don’t want to stop.”

Alderson uncharacteristically let it slip that owner Fred Wilpon plans to shed the Mets payroll to $50 million in 2012, which would be down close to $100 million from 2011.

Of all the Mets on the block, Carlos Beltran and Jonathan Niese seem to be the only ones drawing major interest, but Alderson insists he’ll do all in his power to move “the other guys.”

Alderson’s top assistant and former Blue Jays’ honcho, J.P. Ricciardi arrogantly agreed, “Oh, we can do it. Just watch us!”

“We have a deal on the table with St. Louis for (Daniel) Murphy and (Justin) Turner,” said V.P. of player development, Paul DePodesta. “Tony (La Russa) can never have enough scrappy, powerless, white dudes who play multiple positions.”

Depo then added, “We like Josh Thole for the future, but his BASN (batting average on sliders at night) is not quite where we expected it to be. We have a kid in Double-A who can supply that for only seven-eighths of the cost.”

While the Mets should have no problem finding suitors for affordable players like Angel Pagan, Dillon Gee and R.A. Dickey, they will have to work some magic to shed Jason Bay, who one dim-witted fan claimed, “Couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn if he fell out of a boat.”

The same fan added: “With the Mets, I only care about four things. Wright, Reyes, Mr. Met, and Shake Shack. Give me those and I’m good.”