Saying it has been a tough few days for Cubs Manager Mike Quade would be an understatement. After being burned twice by Albert Pujols over the weekend in St. Louis with walk off home runs, fans and media have begun turning on the normally amiable Quade. To top it off, enigmatic pitcher Carlos Zambrano threw teammate Carlos Marmol under the bus, leaving the Cubs manager to deal with a ticking time bomb ready to explode.

The stress of managing the “Lovable Losers” appears to have already taken a toll on the Cubs skipper. After his second consecutive sleepless night on Sunday, Quade arose Monday morning in Cincinnati to an unusual sight – tufts of hair sprouting from his head, shoulders and back. Quade, who suffers from the condition alopecia areata, hadn’t been able to grow hair since he was three years old.

“I looked in the mirror this morning and I saw George ‘the Animal’ Steele staring back at me,” said Quade. “It was more frightening than watching Alfonso Soriano up against the vines at Wrigley.”

Outside of the unexpected body whiskers, Quade says he is feeling fine and has a positive outlook for the rest of the season.

“There’s really no reason to worry, I’m still blowing sunshine out of my butt,” said Quade. “It’s just a matter of days before I have pet nicknames for every player on the 40-man roster. Along with Demp and Wellsy and Cassie, we’ve got Sucky and Bummy and No Rangey and Underachievy and Should’ve Stuck with Footbally … who says there’s no fun in baseball?”

By Jeremy Barewin. Photoshop by Kurt Evans

Jeremy Barewin